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Cherishing the little moments
This holiday season has been very busy and it's been easy for me to see time with Koda as a chore, one more thing to check off. Maybe you can relate. The other day my mother-in-law came over to help with him and I gained some perspective.
She was playing next to him on the floor with his toys and he was so happy to have someone near him. I felt so bad and a little guilty, thinking of the many times I can see playtime as a means to an end
- time to myself, time for getting things done, or time to spend with my husband.
My mindset is often one that values my to-do list more than slowing down, getting down on the floor with my son, and playing with him and discovering together. I can try to occupy Koda with toys or other things to stretch my time for other things. I can rush through rocking him to sleep, all the while thinking of what I need to do next instead of enjoying the joy of cuddling my little baby before he gets too big to hold.
It was a good reminder to make time for Koda and put away my phone and laptop for a while when I can. And I realized the toll that the endless day-to-day cycle of care
for little ones takes on moms. Feeding, changing, rocking to sleep - all this requires constant interaction and tires me, especially as Koda grows stronger and more willful and active. This combination makes me not want to play with him or engage with him.
But I'm learning that play is a different category of time
spent with Koda besides the daily care cycle, and he needs that attention from me just as much. So while I still need my breaks, I am trying to save some energy for learning and laughing and play each day. Often it's as simple as talking back and forth with his curious babble, making him laugh with silly noises, or reading a book to him during a work break.
Of course, this is all easier said than done. Making time for play as a working parent is hard. You and I need to give ourselves grace when we fall short of our own parenting goals and ideals. We need to remember the loads we carry and the limits we have on time, energy and even our patience. We do the best we can and our kids will feel the love behind our efforts, however flawed.
You may have heard of "Breast is best" out there in the world of baby feeding philosophies. The phrase advocates for exclusively breastfeeding because of the extraordinary nature and components of breastmilk that science can't perfectly replicate. But there's another popular phrase that offers a different perspective: "Fed is best." To be honest, when I first heard it I disagreed with that claim because I was learning about breastmilk and was amazed by its design and sufficiency for my newborn. However, as I learned more and more from my mama friends about their nursing journeys, I started to understand it. Some friends struggled with bad latches and the painful effects of tongue and/or lip ties, which I had never heard of before then and didn't experience with Koda. Others had trouble keeping up a good milk supply because of health, work or other issues. I heard the pain and even shame coming from my friends as they shared these difficulties or even simply their dislike for nursing. I started to understand that a fed baby - from a bottle Mom pumped, from formula or directly from Mom - is indeed better than an underweight baby. Or an upset baby Or a baby in pain. Or a mama in pain. Or a tense, stressful mother-child relationship. And so many other situations mamas experience. I would like to think that my own perseverance and commitment to nurse Koda were the sole things that got me though the first few difficult months before we got into a rhythm, but that's simply not true. A week after Koda was born, we met with our new pediatrician and checked his weight and other levels. She told us he had lost a concerning amount of weight and she was going to test his blood for bilirubin. I later realized that Koda's bad latches were preventing him from getting enough colostrum, which came out in slow drops after a lot of effort. If I hadn't had a 30-minute meeting with an incredible lactation consultant who changed our lives, I might have given up exclusively breastfeeding and pursued other options. (I considered becoming a lactation consultant for a while because of the difference she made!) Suffice it to say that getting in the groove of breastfeeding is tough, whether it's your first baby or your sixth. Sometimes it's hard to even begin learning how to breastfeed and how to get past frustrations and setbacks. It takes lots of practice for mama and baby to figure out what works best for them, and it doesn't stop at the newborn stage - as baby learns and grows, so do we! Here are some of my top resources for getting started with nursing your little one (the videos were especially helpful for me). I hope it can help you find a feeding plan that works for you. You can do this!